


baby, I don't feel so good

by hawaiianpizza



Series: the safe space idolverse [2]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Established Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Kinda Sad NGL, M/M, Minor Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Lee Seokmin | DK, Pining, SVT US Tour, Wish You Were Gay, i pulled this right out my ass, i really made sure jeongcheol and seoksoo were made clear in this, idolverse, inspired from mingyu's spotify playlist, meanie, mentioned jeongcheol, mentioned seoksoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29495289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawaiianpizza/pseuds/hawaiianpizza
Summary: and there, if you open mingyu's 2020 spotify playlist, Billie Eilish's 'wish you were gay' sits at the very top, for all to see.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Series: the safe space idolverse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2169600
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	baby, I don't feel so good

**Author's Note:**

> this was an impulsive write and it took me four hours to write 3K i know im slow but pls bare with me 
> 
> > inspired by mingyu's spotify playlist (2020) and i've been wanting to write smth abt it ever since pledis posted it bc i lost it when i saw wish you were gay on there lets be honest 
> 
> > this takes place during svt's us tour, during the concert, during the Hit The Road filming, and during when mingyu was also making his lil film (the one he shared!!)
> 
> \- im editing this at like 4 am so if some stuff dont make sense im sorry

"You were a mess back there," 

  
Mingyu looks up from his laptop, where he was sitting on his bed. The voice belonged to that of Jeonghan, who had walked in with nothing on but Seungcheol's oversized Nirvana shirt. Big surprise.

  


He points this out, rolling his eyes. "You don't need to remind me of how single I am, hyung." he pays his attention back to his device, but his eyes linger on the screen for no less than a second when it is snapped shut and Jeonghan is taking it away from him. He whines in protest.

  
"Stop trying to change the topic." the older puts it down on a nearby desk, before proceeding to sit in front of him on the bed, wrapping himself in the white fluffy blanket like it was his. "I need to know what happened to you back there."

  
Mingyu rolled his eyes. The situation really wasn't that dramatic. He lets Jeonghan know that, earning him yet another sarcastic action. 

  
"Oh really?" The brunette cocks his head with a taunting smile. "That's not what that looked like."

  
"I panicked a bit. But it's nothing serious."

  
"Really?" 

  
"Yes." 

  
"That's great. Now tell me the truth." 

"What truth?"

"The truth that got you all panicky." 

  
"There's nothing to say." Mingyu runs a hand through his hair. 

  
Jeonghan leans forward. "Or is there?"

  
"Fucking hell!" The six foot giant finally admits. "I'm only opening up because I'm annoyed with your persistence."

  
Jeonghan giggles, running a hand through his hair. "Seungcheol tells me it's my best and worst feature. Now fess up." 

~

_Mingyu picked up the camera, running his finger across the buttons. He admired it greatly, and it fascinated him so much that such a small, inanimate object brought him so much happiness. He looks up and notices the sun has gone into hiding behind the clouds, despite it only being mid-afternoon._

  
_"Penny for your thoughts?"_

  
_He blinks, turning to the voice that belonged to Wonwoo, who stood there in a training jacket, a pair of sweatpants, and some brand of rubber shoes. His hair was pulled back from his face with a hairband. "Just thinking about how nice the weather is today, is all."_

  
_But he looks so beautiful like this._

  
_For that, without hesitation, Mingyu raises the camera to quickly snag a shot of him. Surprised, Wonwoo's eyebrows furrow. "What was that for?"_

  
_The taller has to stop himself from looking down at the screen and smiling, instead keeping a straight face. "More pictures to add to the group album." he says in one, practiced breath. Obviously, this wasn't leaving his gallery._

  
_Wonwoo merely shrugs, before gesturing for them to head into the van. Their little agenda for the day was to meet Vernon up in a pizza place and bring back food for the boys afterwards. Mingyu, seizing the opportunity, mentioned his video project, and brought his camera along. Not that anyone protested, just that Wonwoo was a little reluctant about being barefaced and dressed casually (read: insecure), but they got over that speedbump, and they were rolling smoothly._

  
_The crew filming Mingyu's part of the Hit The Road documentary followed along in the van, so he had to sit as far from Wonwoo as possible, something he did not like much. During any other day, they'd be next to eachother, sharing their favorite art pieces or photographs on Instagram, singing along to Lauv or Harry Styles, but they couldn't show that in the documentary._

  
_They couldn't show that anywhere._

  
_Mingyu fiddles with his coat at the thought._

~

"Wait, so you're telling me, you snapped a photo of him right in front of his face, then proceeded to lie as if you're _not_ going to keep that picture to yourself and look at it during another one of your three a.m crying sessions??" Jeonghan looked at him incredulously. 

Mingyu huffed, crossing his arms. "Exactly. Now let me continue, or you can leave and go back to your own boyfriend who probably misses you in the span of the ten minutes you've left him and come here." 

"Oh, he's playing an intense match of chess with Soonyoung. They've bet on food. I doubt he'll be looking for me too soon." 

"Soon hyung's terrible at chess," Mingyu states, matter-of-factly, "And Seungcheol doesn't know how to play." 

  
"That's the point!" The brunette whines, urging him to continue his story. 

  
~

  
_"I have high expectations for this place," Wonwoo says as they step down the van. The street is pleasantly crowded, and Mingyu has an urge to just whip out his camera and film everything. Which is why he does, earning a pleasant giggle from the older. He almost wishes he had caught that on camera, too._

  
_"It's one of the best places in the entire country, hyung." Vernon says, while Mingyu was filming the traffic on the road. The American joined them a few minutes prior, and they were just waiting for the photographer to finish collecting clips. "I guarantee you're going to like it."_

  
_Mingyu nods. "Shua hyung said you'd be the kind to like it a lot." he leaves out the part where he pressed Joshua on and on about what restaurants were in the area and what he personally thought would fit Wonwoo's taste._

  
_"I was supposed to be on a diet, Gyu," Wonwoo laughs again, but the taller does not like how forced it sounds. He clears his throat._

  
_"I don't see why you don't deserve a break every now and then," he tries to say in the most normal voice he could muster. Last thing he wanted was for the professionals filming and listening to him sound like a pining twelve year old while he tries to hype his best friend up._

  
_He cringes at the term._

  
_They enter the place, brushing off the long discussion about Wonwoo's dieting that they knew would have erupted had it not been for the fact that they were in public and in front of a camera crew. Since the pizzeria was relatively small, the camera crew had to stay behind, while the three went on, Vernon leading the way, as the only one fluent in English._

  
_Mingyu could already feel the pout forming on his face at how he had probably upset the older. How could he be so insensitive?? He knew how hard Wonwoo worked for a body like what he had now. He watched what he ate for a year and longer. He worked out just as hard as he and Seungcheol. Why did he have to always jab at his weakness? It's not like he had bad intentions. He just wanted the older to know that he was perfect just the way he was as of now, but how do you even tell your best friend that without making it obvious that you were in lo-_

  
_"Hey," Comes his low voice. Mingyu nearly dies when Wonwoo nuzzles his head on his shoulder. Their height difference was killing him._

  
_"I'm not mad at you. I know you mean well." He continues, hand coming up to squeeze the younger's bicep. "I can see you mentally beating yourself up."_

  
_When Mingyu looks down at him, he's smiling, and it causes his lips to rise at the corners._

  
~

  
"Come on, don't tell me that's something straight best friends do all the time." Jeonghan throws his hands up in exasperation. "That's so fucking gay, if I were a conservative Karen sitting in that pizzeria, I would have called 911 on you two canoodling shits." 

  
Mingyu shakes his head. "Don't say stuff like that, dude. You were Seungcheol hyung's best friend once, weren't you? You know the little things that you two tended to do before getting together. It's like that." 

  
"You mean blatantly pining for eachother and cuddling at ass o clock in the morning??" he frowns, trying to prove his point. "And may I remind you we're literally dating right now. So yes, I know the little things very gay 'straight' pining best friends do." 

  
Mingyu throws his pillow at him to shut him up. 

~

  
"Done?" Wonwoo asks, raising an eyebrow. He had walked around the street a bit, just for Mingyu to be able to take a few more clips. Mingyu smiles at the older in pride, and his mind short circuits for a bit when the older stands flush next to him to place his hand over Mingyu's on the camera, working the buttons so they could play the short clip. 

  
He worked expertly, like he knew what he was doing, because he really did, and it honestly made Mingyu dizzy. With the heat of his hand on top of his, resting just above the play button, bodies pressed against eachother in the middle of the pavement, people stepping around them. 

  
Amongst all the noise and conversation, Mingyu likes to think they're very much in their own little world right now. 

  
The moment is short lived when the staff who came along with them calls them back. The two were on the other end of the street, but they caught the action. Their hands leave eachother, bodies pull away. Mingyu tucks the camera back into it's bag, feeling left with that hopeless feeling again. 

  
"It's great, Gyu." Wonwoo points out rather shyly, quietly. And if Mingyu was not used to picking out all the other voices in the area and just tuning in the older's voice by now, he would have missed it. But it reaches his ears, it does, and it fills his heart and being. Wonwoo ruffles his hair with a small amused noise, before proceeding to walk ahead. 

  
Suddenly, Mingyu doesn't feel left with the hopeless feeling much longer, thought it does gnaw at the back of his mind. Wordlessly, he wears his earbuds and presses 'play' on his phone. He keeps his eyes trained on Wonwoo as they walk through the pavement, the beginning of Billie Eilish's 'wish you were gay' starting to block out any other sound in the world. 

  
But Wonwoo's laugh plays over and over in his ears.

  
~

  
"That's it???" Jeonghan looks at him in disbelief. "You came back a mess because of _that_???" 

  
Mingyu scoffs. "Damn, hyung. Sorry my one-sided unrequited love isn't as interesting as you and Seungcheol hyung's High School fucking Musical drama." 

  
Though the older rolls his eyes, he purses his lips. "Well, we did dance in the rain while we listened to One Direction." he shakes his head. "But that's not my point! You were roaming the streets of New York. You were filming him for a video project. You had the world's best pizza together. You had the chance to confess!" 

  
The younger pulled out his phone, already unfazed by Jeonghan's bold words. "Come on, hyung. Don't be silly. Go fuss over your own love interest." his eyes are trained to the screen, reading intently.

  
Jeonghan pouts, suddenly feeling like he said something wrong. "Hey, I don't mean to-"

  
"I'm serious." Mingyu looks at him with sincere eyes. "Soonyoung hyung lost and then he proposed a new game, so he and Seungcheol hyung are currently arguing and causing a ruckus." he looks down at his phone again when a message comes in. "Oh, and the boys have apparently divided themselves into teams and are encouraging them." 

  
Jeonghan sighs in relief and annoyance, unwrapping himself from his cocoon of Mingyu's blankets. "Thirty minutes. _Thirty_ minutes. _All_ I ask is that I have _thirty minutes_ without having to calm down the _rodeo show_ that is this fucking idol group." he mutters to himself, stalking out the bedroom. He turns back to Mingyu when he opens the door. "We will talk later." 

  
"Love you too, hyung." Mingyu rolls his eyes. He rubs his temples when the older finally leaves, and he quickly stands up to collect his laptop before the silence overwhelms him and leaves him spiraling down his thoughts. 

  
A new message comes in, and without thinking twice, he opens it. 

  
**im with dokyeom at the gym. I left my key there and will be back in around three hours. pls don't lock our room again :))**

  
Mingyu laughs to himself, remembering when he had locked their shared room in Chicago when Wonwoo and another member went out, and the older had to spam (sleeping) Mingyu's phone for a whole half hour before he was finally let in. He was pouty all evening (I say evening when it was already midnight when he returned) and refused to talk to Mingyu. He only did when the taller had suffocated him in bed, threatening to cuddle him to death. 

  
Wonwoo said only one word to him that night. 

  
_"Stay."_

  
They woke up together the next morning from the loud banging fist on their door, courtesy of Junhwi. Thank God their room was locked or else it would lead to some very spicy rumors of them sharing a bed. 

  
Mingyu takes a deep breath at the memory. Without hesitating, he syncs his phone to the speakers, unashamedly singing to the first lines of 'wish you were gay'. 

  
And if a tear or two slipped out during the short duration it played, no one has to know. 

* * *

  
"So it slipped my mind to ask, but how was your day with Mingyu?" 

  
Seokmin and Wonwoo were walking back from the gym, freshly changed but having not showered yet, and they were high off the adrenaline that was sure to start wearing down soon.

  
Wonwoo, who had just wiped his sweat from his forehead, frowned in confusion. "My day with Mingyu?" 

  
Seokmin nods. "Yep. He mentioned yesterday that you two had plans for today." 

  
The older pulls his glasses off his face, wiping the lenses on his new, fresh shirt. He made a mental note to start himself a hot bath when they got back to the hotel. "It was good. He filmed a bit for his video project, but other than that, I don't know what to tell you." 

  
There is a beautiful park ahead of them, dimly lit with fairy lights, with absolutely no people around.

  
Seokmin nods at his answer, the small face still on his face. Granted, they weren't the best of friends amongst their group, but they were very comfortable around eachother and, just like with the rest of the members, they knew eachother inside and out. "What about you, Min?"

  
The smile leaves his face. "What about me?" 

  
Wonwoo pretends to shrug, feigning cluelessness. "I watched your wine and cheese live with Shua hyung earlier."

  
His eyes go wide, while his cheeks bloom a pretty red, and he looks away, averting his attention back to his gym bag. "That's no fair, hyung." 

  
Wonwoo laughs, but he and the younger walk on grass, into the open park, and they perch on the benches. Due to the late hour, they were the only ones in the vicinity. Besides, even if anyone were to drop by, the chances of them understanding Korean were very low. "Jeonghan told me awhile back that playing the Joshua card was the lowest of the low. And as an apology, I'll make up for it with a secret." 

  
Seokmin, seemingly forgetting the 'offense' leans in, eyes full of anticipation. "I will accept your apology." 

  
The older laughs. "Well, I had the time of my life with Mingyu earlier."

  
Seokmin laughs, nudging him. "You're insufferable, hyung. I know that already." he continues to open his water bottle to chug down more water. "I need you to tell me your thoughts during the little outing. Like, I don't want to know what happened. I want to know what was going through your mind in the moment."

  
Wonwoo plays with the half zip of his jacket. "You want me to be honest?" 

  
"Completely." 

  
The older sighs, letting a small smile grace his lips. "I thought he was _beautiful_ , Min." he slowly breathes in, like how he does when he's in Mingyu's presence. Absolutely blown away, amazed that such a man of his calibre of imperfection and beauty exists. "His eyes had something in them whenever he got to use his camera. And he's so passionate about his craft, it makes my stomach do weird things." he pauses to look at the younger who's looking at him attentively. "Sort of how like what you feel when you're with Shua hyung." 

  
Seokmin sputters. "Stop pulling the Joshua card!" 

  
"I can't help it!" he laughs, ruffling the boy's hair, who looked like he had just been on the receiving end of an uno plus four card. "I'm just trying to help you understand how I felt in that moment." 

  
For better or for worse, Seokmin nods shyly. "I understand that feeling." 

  
Wonwoo smiles fondly. Joshua and the younger had been one of the unexpected pairings, but they were adorable nonetheless. Bold, unfiltered Seokmin was always reduced to a shy mess whenever the older was brought up, while Joshua, who was typically calm and collected, would turn into an animated man who's eyes shined whenever he talked endlessly about his lover. They were a beautiful couple who stemmed without drama.

  
_(Wonwoo made sure that Seokmin knew how grateful he and the other members were that he and Joshua's love brewed without much drama or complications, because Seungcheol and Jeonghan, though the oldest, were ironically the most stubborn and were the most difficult to work with. And frankly, as Jihoon openly stated, he was not ready to deal with that shit ever again)_

  
"There wasn't anything about the situation that screamed romantic or anything, we literally just went out for pizza and filmed a bit. But I just had this, serene feeling." Wonwoo plays with the sleeves of his jacket, trying to grasp the words in his head. "It was so domestic. And soft. I wanted to live in that moment forever." 

  
A few grasshoppers show themselves in the illumination of the stringed fairy lights on the trees, and Wonwoo distracts himself just a moment, remembering the tender feeling that made itself known to him. 

  
"Well, if there's one thing I know, it's that nothing is ever going to happen if you don't act on your emotions," Seokmin offers. "For what women are chastised for constantly, they know what they're doing when they put themselves out there even if it's just impulse." 

  
The older smiles at the advice, but he gets up from the bench. "I'm not an impulsive kind of guy," he says softly, and Seokmin pouts at the words, getting up nonetheless, respecting the other's sentiments. "We better get home." 

  
The two trudge out from the grass and back onto the pavement, continuing their walk back to their hotel, occasionally bringing up an odd topic or two. Wonwoo's thoughts swirl. 

  
_I thought he was beautiful, Min._

  
~

  
There is nothing but soft snores in their room when they get back, and Wonwoo smiles to himself at the curled up ball that was the six foot giant under those covers.

  
Maybe he still had adrenaline pumping through his veins. 

  
Maybe it was his short conversation with Seokmin about his very complicated feelings.

  
Or maybe it was the way Mingyu's hair curled in specific parts, his mouth half open in his state. his slow, steady breathing the only things filling Wonwoo's ears and surging his heart to beat. 

  
Whatever it was, the older couldn't help himself from leaning down to press a small kiss to his forehead, painting his own cheeks a light pink. 

  
He quickly places his things down where they need to be (or Mingyu would start freaking out otherwise) before heading to the bathroom, eager to draw himself a hot bath before he goes to bed. It was what his aching, sore muscles were asking for the entire day, and he was ready to succumb to it.

  
Minutes later, when he's stripped and laying in the warm water, exhaling in relief, he picks up his phone and looks for a specific song he had had in mind for the past ten hours. The meaning resonated deep with him and he remembers seeking out Joshua to ask about the song's definition in itself, having understood the title.

  
When the familiar tune of 'wish you were gay' echoes in the bathroom, he hums to it's melody, butchers the lyrics a little, but he enjoys the song nonetheless. 

  
And if a tear or two slipped out during the short duration it played, no one has to know. 

**Author's Note:**

> in honor of my fan acc getting suspended bc i tweeted smth along the lines of 'k!ck myself in the f4ce" !!  
> (basically i received an email the next day saying that i violated rules of posting abt self harm?? idk)
> 
> i highly recommend you check out svt's spotify playlists !! i personally enjoyed mingyu's the most, and i listened to the entire thing while writing his pov (though i ended up listening to all the songs so spotify automatically played my music but i didn't know it until i heard Girl In Red and lowkey had a heart attack bc i thought it was from mg's music HHHHHH)
> 
> (mingyu IS the type to listen to girl in red I KNOW IT)
> 
> \- also can we all appreciate that meanie both have the song To Find You in their playlists :(( 
> 
> > like a fallen angel update later? maybe O-O
> 
> again, if somethings off, i apologize im tired ajskhdajkdh i'll come back to this tomorrow when im not sleepy and delusional & fix any errors <33


End file.
